Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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