I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
