There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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