What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
