there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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