I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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