mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
operation harelip BJ is a go
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
