and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
