in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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