Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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