if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
