it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
