The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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