just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a search helicopter?!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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