So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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