thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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