The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk is a universal language darling
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