go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Redeem this text for a blowjob
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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