maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
