That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
