Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
