do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
