and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
