Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
