I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
