its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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