I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm both gender and math confused
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
