Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
