I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't turn off my feet"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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