yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
