the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm at about main and main street
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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