brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
