Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
