Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
