I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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