I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
