Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
