there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
