I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
