Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
