I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
