What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
