oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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