i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
