I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
