ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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