the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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