whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
