Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize