This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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