i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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