i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
