Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
