My nipple is on Facebook.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
