got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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