farters have to be the big spoon...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's like heaven, but drunker
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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