all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
