So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
