Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
