that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
