my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
