Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
