maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
