Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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