I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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