YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
