i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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