They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
