She said her name was "party"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
