You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
