it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
