before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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