Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
