I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
