i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
