I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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