It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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