I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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