It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
