Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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