I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
