I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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