I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy sore nipples Batman
We're too hungover to prance.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
